U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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