oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
