It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
