I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
