There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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