How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize