I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
