I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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