Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
