guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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