Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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