On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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