how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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