Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
