I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
