So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
