i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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