So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
