So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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