so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize