I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
