hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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