Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
