he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
