Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
