So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
