i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
