bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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