found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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