i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize