She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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