If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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