i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
