I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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