MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
