my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
