i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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