guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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