I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
