Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
