i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
