then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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