she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
