just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
