The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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