does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
