Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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