Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize