Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
