if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
