taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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