There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
