he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
