My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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