the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
