1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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