Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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