Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
