Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
