You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
