Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize