dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk is not a location!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
