Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
