I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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