His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ttyl tear gas
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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