my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
