Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize