Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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