just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
