martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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