I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
