if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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