She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
