You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
