just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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