i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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