Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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