hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
