It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
