It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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