The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize