those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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