is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
