did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
