We named our party play list daddy issues
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
