he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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