booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
only if we run a train.
done.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
