worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
