this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
