i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
