I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize