her facebook's as public as her vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
