is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
