You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
