All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
