They should really pass out barf bags in church
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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