I could have mohawked her pubes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
