I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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