weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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