porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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