we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
