i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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