My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
