Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
