hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
