ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
