Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
