you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
